Not entirely mad anymore

My father passed away. The few memories I have of him aren't great, but I think that because he was a human being I shouldn't be mad anymore. It's not nice to speak badly of those who have gone away so I'll keep those memories to myself.
The person I feel most badly for is my mother, I know that she still really loved him, despite that marriage completely falling apart. I want to cry too but something isn't letting me. So confused.